How To Write A Letter
An advocate for cringy letters and some reflections on life.
Dear 𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻,
I love letters because of how cheesy and emotional they usually become.
Nguyễn Bính wrote to his daughter a poem about her name, Frida Kahlo wrote love letters to Diego, Xuân Diệu wrote to his friend to celebrate New Year.
Writing letters is basically 𝓪𝓷 𝓮𝔁𝓬𝓾𝓼𝓮 — to sit down, make sense of our thoughts, or make someone in our life feel more special for reading our thoughts.
Over the years, I have stopped writing letters although I used to be a letter addict. Here are some reasons I think of why people don’t write anymore:
We have to have a message first to write a letter. Not really. It’s more about the process of pondering, feeling, and noticing what lands on the page. The message often just appears along the way.
It takes so much more time than texting or talking. Yes, it’s a 𝓶𝓮𝓭𝓲𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 𝓶𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓭 that allows us to integrate our whole experience with much precision and clarity: Letter-writing is a technology for thinking-through-writing.
It’s embarrassing if they don’t write back. Inherently, letter-writing is already contagious. Usually the receiver is motivated to write you something back. And forth, and back again. Or you can directly invite people to join this meditative activity.
The rule is simple:
Write from emotions, just like when you text your favourite friend. You must amuse yourself.
Things to NOT worry about:
Is this polite?
Is this grammatically correct?
Is this how I’m supposed to write?
Things to worry about:
Worry about courage
Worry about earnestness
Worry about joy
Pick something you’d like to spend time pondering on, something that is actually meaningful or fun to you, and write. For example:
Don’t say things that you learn from textbooks. I love what Henrik Karlsson wrote:
One reason chat messages are unusually lively is that the format encourages you to write from emotion. You are talking to someone you like and you want to resonate with them, you want to make them laugh. This creates a surge in the writing. It is lovely. When you write from your head, your style sinks back under the waves.
The slowness of writing enables you to reach the depth of yourself that is different from chatting. Write in a way that when you are finished, it feels like relief in your body.
Bonus:
Write to someone when you are in—or after—a crisis to mark that milestone.
Say something appreciative at the end.
Add a surprising item (ephemera) into your letter as a gift to the receiver.
Add a question, like:
What I’m saying is this:
Letter-writing is a rare meditation method that offers both deep concentration and connection. It makes us listen to ourselves while allowing someone else to find joy in listening to our musings and neurosis. If we take the step to write first, it becomes an invitation for the receiver to pause, reflect, and be seen, too.
